For people, maybe 12 months is nothing for them. Maybe they think 12 months will pass just like that. Maybe they will say ‘Heh. Just for a year. I can wait for it. It’s just a short time.’ Maybe some people will think that 12 months is a long time. Maybe they will think it’s hard to wait or live even just for a year.
For Kim Joonmyun, 12 months is just a short time. Even everything happened to him, that period still enough for him. In just 12 months, he can feel everything. Love, friendship, hatred and the most important thing is he could know how it’s feels to be betrayed. It’s hurt, really hurt for him.
But he feels really grateful because he stills have his brothers around him. His 11 brothers.
January, 23
Suho and his 11 best friends, or also he considered as his brothers, hang out at a café near their apartment. They were celebrating Kai’s and D.O’s birthday.
As the leader for his group, he’s the one who lead the party. He’s the one who have the biggest share for the money to buy them some presents. Yeah, he’s rich. The rich guy among his group.
As they started to eat, Suho sat at the corner alone while watching his members.
That was the time his eyes laid on a girl. He felt like the world around him stop for awhile. She was very beautiful.
He smiled a little before he shook his head. He turned to look at his members back.
“It’s impossible for me to fall for a girl at the first sight.” He denied his feeling. He didn’t believe at a love at the first sight after all.
February, 23
He thought he will never meet the girl again but he was wrong.
That time, he and Lay goes to the same café for a drink. As they sat a table, Suho spotted that girl sat alone at the corner while sipping her coffee.
Without he realized, his heart suddenly beat a little faster. He kept staring at the girl till Lay let out a soft cough. Suho turned to him and raised his brows.
“What?”
“You like her, aren’t you?” Lay wiggles his brows teasingly, making Suho laugh softly.
“Of course not! You know me well right? I didn’t believe in a love at the first sight.”
“Seriously, Kim Joonmyun. This is not the first sight. This is the second sight!”
“How did you know?” Suho blinked a little.
“Do you think we didn’t realize that you keep staring at her during the birthday party? Oh please Suho, it’s too obvious and I still remember her face.” Lay shook his head a little and glanced at the girl sometimes. Suho blushed softly.
“It’s a month already, how can you remember?” Lay shrugged at his question and continued to sip his coffee.
“You better approach her and confess to her, Suho.”
“Maybe next time.” Suho nodded softly and sipped his drinks while Lay just rolled his eyes.
“Fine.”
March, 23
It’s the third time he goes to the same café and this time, he was with Xiumin. His birthday is coming soon so Suho decided to treat him something. Once again, he saw the same girl sitting at the same place.
His heart started to skip a beat again. Everyone in EXO already knew about the girl as Lay told them about it. He even took a photo of her using his phone’s camera.
Suho was very embarrassed that time.
Xiumin was talking to him as he kept staring at the girl. It makes Xiumin felt a little irritated.
“You don’t even listen to me!” Xiumin hissed softly and punched Suho’s arm, making he jumped a little.
“W-What?”
“Go meet her already. Approach her.” Suho widened his eyes and blinked rapidly.
“N-No way!”
“You like her didn’t you? Just go! Before I steal her from you, better you make a move.”
“B-But…”
“No but! Come with me.” Xiumin got up and grabbed Suho’s arm, dragging him to the girl.
“W-Wait, hyung!” Xiumin pushed him to that girl’s table, making him stumble a little. She looked up at him and blinked a little.
Suho turned to Xiumin who just winked playfully at him. If he could, he really wants to jump on him and punch him for doing this to him.
Suho make a face at him and turned to the girl, slowly bowed politely while rubbing his nape nervously.
“H-Hi. M-My name is Kim Joonmyun.” She stared at him for awhile before flashing him a sweet smile.
“Hi. Han Jaein here. It’s nice to meet you, Joonmyun. Please take a sit.” Suho nodded softly and sat on a chair opposite her.
From that day, he got to know her more and he started to fall for her more deeply.
April, 23
It’s already a month since they got to know each other but he still didn’t have a strength to confess. That day, he was sitting on the couch while watching the television. Suddenly, Sehun came to him and at beside him.
“Hyung, you didn’t meet Jaein noona today?”
“No, she said she’s busy today.” Sehun nodded softly while Suho couching a little and rubbed his chest. Sehun turned to him.
“What’s wrong, are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m okay. Maybe because I eat weird foods and drink too much soft drink. My chest feels hurt.”
“Ayye, you shouldn’t drink too much soft drink. It’s not good. Oh by the way, did you confess to Jaein noona already?” Sehun looked at him, waiting for an answer. Suho turned to him and shook his head.
“Not yet, Sehun. I’m still scared.”
“What you afraid of, hyung? You’re handsome, kind, gentle and rich. You’re perfect. She will accept you, hyung!” Suho sighed softly.
“Really?”
“Really, hyung!” Suho keep quiet for awhile.
Suddenly, his phone vibrated, signaling he got a message. He checked it and read it out a little loud.
“I’m done with my works, want to meet me? I will wait at the usual café.”
Sehun grinned softly and nudged the eldest.
“Hyung! What are you waiting for? This is your chance!” Suho looked at him and nodded.
“Yeah, you’re right! Thanks, Sehun. Hyung love you!” He got up and pecked Sehun’s forehead before he ran away to the door. Sehun widened his eyes.
“H-Hyung!”
“Sorry!” He laughed softly before he closed the door and ran to the café, leaving Sehun dumbfounded. He shook his head softly.
“That hyung, aish….My forehead is not innocent anymore.”
As Suho arrived at the café, jaein already there waiting for him. He got into the café and met her.
“Hi there.”
“Hi, Suho!” She waved happily. He sat down and faced her.
“Han Jaein…..Actually, I have something to say to you.” He said and looked down for awhile. She raised her brows.
“What is it?”
“I-I…..Actually, I….I…I’m…Err…I…”
“Just say it!”
“I like you! I-I….I love you…” He confessed to her while stuttering, making her gasped and widened her eyes.
“W-Well…It’s okay if you don’t feel the same was as me. You don’t need to answer me right now too.” He bit his lips while the girl just looked around awkwardly.
“Well….Just let me think about it.”
“Sure.”
May, 23
Since that day, they haven’t met at all and that makes he felt sad and regret for confessing. He kept wandering around the kitchen, helplessly. D.O who was cooking that time, started to feel a little annoying.
“Hyung, can you stop walking around the kitchen. It’s hard for me to move!”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He sat down on a chair at the counter and played with his phone. D.O turned to him and sighed.
“What’s wrong with you, actually?” He looked up at the youngest and sighed softly.
“Nothing. Just….after I confessed to her last month, she didn’t even accept my call or even reply to my message. I don’t know what to do anymore.” He said and messed his hair, frustrated. D.O just could shake his head.
“Be patient, hyung. Just give her some more times to think.”
“But—” Before he could finish his words, he suddenly got a message. D.O chuckled softly and continued his works. Suho picked up his phone and checked it.
[ 3:40 pm ] Meet me at the park, I will wait for you.
He quickly got up and ran to his room to grab his jacket. He ran to the door and shouted at D.O.
“I’ll be back before the dinner!”
“Okay, take care!” As the youngest shouted to him back, he quickly got out from the apartment and ran to the park nearby.
He looked around and searched for her. Suddenly, he spotted her sitting on a bench under a small tree. He quickly ran to her and met her.
“Jaein-ahh…” She looked up at him and smiled softly.
“Suho….I have your answer now. I’m sorry because I leave you hanging just like that. I’m sorry because I’m being the idiot girl for not realize that I like you too…Yes, Suho. I love you too.” She said while holding his hand tightly.
All her words make Suho’s heart skip a beat. In his whole life, he never feels happy like this. Nobody ever make he feels like this. Nobody can make him smile widely and shed a tear at the same time. Nobody except that girl.
He pulled his beloved girl into his arms and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you so much, Jaein. Thank you.”
June, 23
It’s being a month already and their relationship still good. They’re happy for being with each other. That night, they were walking at the same park where they’re accepting each other. They sat on the same bench where they kissed for the first time.
Suho was holding her protectively in his arms as they looked up at the skies and stared at the moon and all the stars.
“You know, among the stars, you’re the brightest star here, in my heart.” Suho said to her softly. She looked up at him and smiled.
“And you know, between the moon and you, you’re the brightest one. Your smile always make my life becomes bright.” She chuckled softly and nuzzled his chest.
Suho held her chin and tilted her head up as he looked into her eyes deeply.
“I love you, Han Jaein. So much.”
“I swear by the moon and stars, I love you too, Kim Joonmyun. Forever.” She smiled softly before she leaned up to him and kissed him deeply.
When he got back home, it’s already late at night. He slowly opened the door and got into the apartment like a thief. When he almost got into his room, the light suddenly turned on. He jumped a little and saw Chanyeol leaning to the wall with his creepy smile.
“Oh my god! Chanyeol~! You know, if the real thief break into our apartment and saw you like this, I’m sure he will run away and never come back.” He hissed softly and rubbed his chest as he felt a little bit pain.
“Nah. Well, hi there, hyung. You just come back? It’s 2 o’ clock in the morning already.”
“And why didn’t you sleep yet, Park Chanyeol?” He shrugged and sat on the couch.
“I can’t sleep so I decided to sleep with you but when I got into your room, you’re not there. So I wait for you here.” Suho shook his head.
“Idiot. You can sleep with Baekhyun after all. Come on, let’s go to sleep.” Suho said then got into his room. He shrugged again and followed Suho.
“I did, but in the end, he kicked me out from the bed while he was sleeping. Well, okay! Let’s go to sleep now!” Chanyeol grabbed Suho’s arm and dragged him to his bed.
That night, he was sleeping soundly and happily. He thought it was a happy ending with them admitting their love to each other but he was wrong. It’s just the beginning.
July, 23
Every time Suho had a date with his girl, he will go out early in the morning and came back home late in the evening but strangely, he came back home from his date a little bit early that day.
He walked into the apartment while rubbing his chest. Chen who was watching the television, looked up at him.
“Hyung, I think you just left for your date about an hour ago. What happen?” He stopped in front of his room and looked at Chen.
“Nothing, I just don’t feel well today.” He said and got into his room, heading to his bed. Chen raised his brows and got up, following him. He sat at the edge of the bed as Suho was laying down and closed his eyes, still rubbing his chest. Chen frowned softly.
“What’s wrong, hyung? Are you okay?” Suho opened his eyes a little and looked at him weakly.
“I’m okay, just….I feel my chest a little hurt. Maybe I drink too much soft drink again.” Chen looked at him in disbelief and started to feel worried about him. As he knows, Suho never touch the soft drink nowadays.
“Since when you feel hurt?”
“Well, since the past 2-3 months like that? Why?”
“Nothing, hyung. I think you should go to meet the doctor.” Suho shrugged softly.
“Alright, I will go to make an appointment later. I just need some rest today.” He nodded softly before he closed his eyes and put his right arm on his forehead.
“Okay then. Rest well, hyung.”
He felt a little more worried now. He never felt so weak like this before. Chen must be right. He should go for a check-up.
August, 23
He started to feel more weak day by day and that’s make his members worried. He felt the same way about himself too and in the end, he decided to buy a ring for Jaein. He didn’t want to be late. He wanted to propose before something happen to him.
In the end, Suho ended up buying the ring with Kai since Kris didn’t want Suho to go out alone.
Bringing Kai with him didn’t burden him at all. Kai being a really good helper for him. Well, he had some experiences after all.
“Hyung, you should choose that one. It suit with her calm personality. Am I right, miss?” He glanced to a girl at the counter and winked softly. Suho sighed softly.
Well, that’s the real him. He’s such a flirty boy. A playboy.
“Kai, we’re here to buy a ring not flirting with some girls.” He smacked Kai softly at his back.
“Ouch, ouch! Okay, I’m sorry. Calm down, hyung. It’s hurt!”
“That’s what you got for flirting some random girl.” Suho watches the girl walk away and rolled his eyes. He turned to the seller.
“Get that one from me, please.”
“Alright, sir.” He took the ring and goes to put it in a box. Suho looked around and waited for the ring. Kai turned to him and shook his head softly.
“Are you very sure about this, hyung?”
“I’m very sure, Kai.” He walked to the cashier and paid for the ring for awhile. Kai just can groans annoyingly. As he wanted to walk back to Kai, he felt his chest hurt again. He held his chest and rubbed it softly.
Watching him like that, fear and worry start to fill his heart. Kai walked faster to him and held his arm.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Suho frowned softly and nodded.
“I’m okay. Just, let’s get back home. I need some rest.” Kai nodded softly before he took the eldest back home.
What already happened that day, really makes Kai feels more worried for his leader, his hyung.
September, 23
His members can’t hold it anymore. They can’t let their guardian angel sick without meeting the doctor. Tao was the one who had been given the responsibilities to bring Suho to the hospital.
As Suho wanted to get inside the doctor’s room, he stopped Tao from following him. It’s not like he didn’t like Tao being closed to him but he knew Tao is a crybaby. If something happen to him or maybe the news they have to accept is something that they don’t even want, Suho afraid that he will cry.
Tao understand his decision and waited for him outside.
Sometimes, he was wandering around and sometimes, he was sitting down on the bench. He kept taking a deep breath and sighed heavily. He was so worried with the result.
Suddenly, Suho slowly walked out from the room with a gloomy face. He looks so bad. He looks like he already lost his strength for his life. Tao quickly got up and approached him.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Suho looked up at him weakly and smiled a little.
“I’m going to take some fresh air for awhile.” He turned around and slowly walked away out from the hospital. Tao frowned and quickly goes to meet the doctor. He swore to himself to not crying. He sat in front of the doctor and asked him about Suho. He listened to him carefully and sometimes he frowned a little. He bit his lips hardly, preventing himself from crying.
Suho was sick, really sick. He had a heart failure. His heart didn’t pump normally like others. His blood vessels seem to be blocked and it’s hard for it to deliver the blood to the heart and to the others part normally. It makes his body becomes sick and weak. Soon, his blood vessels maybe will block completely and when it’s happen, his heart will stop to beat.
From the doctor’s explaination, Tao got to know that Suho may be inherited it from his family.
Tao looked up at the doctor with his red eyes.
“So, there’s nothing we can do anymore?”
“We will try our best to help him but we can’t put any hope on him. We’re very sorry.” Tao sighed in disappointment before continued.
“How many months he have now?” His voice trailed a little as he asked the question.
“About 3-4 months like that.” Tao face-palmed for awhile before he slowly got up and bowed to the doctor. He excused himself and got out from the room. He looked around and decided to find Suho.
He walked out from the hospital, only to found Suho standing beside the streets with his sad, gloomy face.
Nothing can be found in his face anymore. There’s nothing. No expression, no smile. Only tears remain on his face. Soon, the rain started to fall along with his tears. Tao looked around as all people were running to find a place to avoid the rain, but there Suho is, at the same spot. He was helpless now. No more strength in his heart.
Tao rubbed his eyes and swore to himself to not cry anymore. Not in front of him. He will try his best to make the eldest happy.
October, 23
A month passed and all the members were trying to always keep Suho happy. And they did it. For the whole month he kept on smiling and laughing. Even already one and half month he didn’t meet with Jaein, they still succeed in making him smiling. Till one day, Luhan suddenly asked something that they all never expected.
“Suho, didn’t you miss Jaein? Why don’t you go to meet her?” The smile on Suho’s face slowly disappeared. He turned to look at Luhan.
“She said, she still busy with her works.”
“What works she have, actually? Tell me, what works she have?! Walking with other guy instead of her owns boyfriend, is that a work?!”
“Luhan!” Kris suddenly got up and glared at him. Luhan returned the glare.
“What? Am I wrong? I just don’t want Suho get fool by that girl! His boyfriend is dying and she still can go out with other guy?!”
“Luhan!!” He goes to Luhan and held him by his collar.
“Better you got into your room before my fist meets your face today.” Kris released his collar and let him go. He glared at Kris for the last time before he stormed to his room and slammed the door. Kris sighed and turned to Suho.
“Suho. It’s ju—”
“What’s his means? Jaein walked with other guy?”
“Suho, listen to me. Maybe he is just her brother. Maybe Luhan is wrong.” Kris tried his best to calm Suho down but he knew Suho won’t buy it.
“It’s okay. I’m going to take a walk for awhile.”
“Suho…..”
“Just…..for awhile.” Kris gave up and sighed softly.
“Alright, then.” Suho smiled a little before he grabbed his phone and walked out from the apartment. As he walked down the street, he stopped in front of the usual café and saw Jaein there. Suho frowned softly.
“Didn’t she say she have works today?” As he about to get inside the café, suddenly he saw a guy walked to her and pecked her lips with a wide smile. He felt his heart clench and it hurt so much. His heart broke.
He was about to walk away when suddenly Jaein saw him. She got out from the café and ran to him.
“Suho! Wait, I can explain.” Suho turned to her and looked at her with his angry eyes. His feelings were mixed. He felt angry, sad, hurt and disappointed at the same time. If could, he just want to suicide.
“What? What you want to explain now? There’s nothing! You have another guy now!”
“Okay, I will tell you the truth. Actually, he’s my fiancé. My mother asks me to engage with him. I’m sorry for not telling you. It was 2 months ago.” Suho widened his eyes and clenches his fist. Once again he felt like his heart was thrown to the floor and crashed into pieces. He felt betrayed. He nodded softly.
“Good then! So good. You betray me. You didn’t even tell me. You’re so unbelievable.” He turned around and was ready to walk away when suddenly she stopped him.
“You know what? At first, I really think I want to break the engagement after a few months but seeing you like this, I pull back my thought. Furthermore, when I hang out with him more, he is a good guy too. He’s kind, gentle and more perfect than you. And the most important thing is, he’s richest than you! Thanks for everything, Kim Joonmyun. Goodbye.”
She glanced at Suho’s pale face for awhile before she makes her way back to the café. Suho nodded softly. He felt really idiot. Her words hit him like a bowling ball hit the pins. He felt his knees really weak, but he didn’t want to show it. Not in front of all the people.
He dragged his feet and walked back to his apartment. As he got into the house, he let himself fall to the floor. Luhan who just got out from his room, quickly ran to him and held him in his arms.
“Suho? What’s wrong?” Luhan cupped his face and wiped away his tears. Suho just kept crying in Luhan’s arms.
“He’s more perfect, huh? It’s okay. I know who I am. I’m not perfect at all. I’m not kind, gentle or rich.” Luhan looked down at him and frowned.
“What are you talking about, Suho?”
“She already had a fiancé, hyung. She said, he’s more perfect and rich than me.” Luhan widened his eyes and clenched his teeth.
“Be strong, Suho. Don’t show your weakness. Show her and everyone around you that you’re okay. You’re fine! Come on, you have to take your rest.” Luhan held Suho and got up, walking to his room. He put Suho in the bed and pulled the blanket. He stared at Suho’s face.
Watching him like that make his heart clench. He was his leader and yet he was his beloved little brother. Even they didn’t have any blood relationship, he still considered Suho as his little brother. He meant everything for him. Not just for him, but for the others too. He was their leader, their guardian angel. Their ‘Suho’.
He was the one who always guide them when they’re in the hard time. He was like a bright light for their dark life. He couldn’t imagine what will happen to them if he’s gone forever. They never thought that Suho will leave them first.
November, 23
Even a month already passed, he still didn’t move on and his members were so worried about him. That night, Baekhyun gave an idea to go to the karaoke and the others agree with him, hoping that it will make Suho feel a little better but they’re wrong. It got even worst.
The songs he chose were all sad songs. The others just can watch him and sighed.
After an hour passed, Suho was already tired. He sat alone at the corner of the room. He was about to sip some alcohol when suddenly Baekhyun plopped beside him and took away the glass.
“No, hyung. You can’t drink this. It’s not good for your heart.” Suho looked at the youngest weakly then sighed.
“I’m tired, Baek. I’m so tired till I feel I can’t hold this anymore. I just want to end this fast. I want to die fast, now.” He said softly, making the latter frowned.
“Hyung, how could you say like that. You can’t leave us.”
“Baekhyun, even you say something like that, nothing will change. I still will leave this world soon.” Suho left Baekhyun speechless.
Yes, he was right. Nothing will change. When the times come, he will leave them too. They just can accept the fate.
December, 23
Kris was bored at home and decided to bring his members somewhere so he walked into Suho’s room to talk to him about it. Kris approached him and shook his body.
“Suho, wake up. I need to talk with you.” Kris kept shaking his body with a smile plastered on his face. He started to frown softly when Suho didn’t give him any respond. He cupped Suho’s face and searched for his eyes. Gladly, Suho slowly opened his eyes and looked back at Kris.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He said softly in concerned while rubbing his thumb on Suho’s cheek. He nodded softly and muttered something. Kris leaned to him a little and listened to him.
“Kris…..Can you bring me to my family’s villa at the beach? Please?” Kris looked at him sadly and nodded.
“Okay. I will bring you. Come on.” He makes Suho to sit up and then he picked him up. He piggybacked him before he walked to the living room to meet Luhan.
“Luhan, did you know about Kim’s Villa nearby the beach?”
“Yes, I know. Why?”
“Gather the others and bring them there. I will go there first. Suho want to go there.” Luhan looked at Suho for awhile before he nodded softly.
“Alright.” Kris walked out from the apartment and got to his car. After he settled Suho at the passanger’s seat, he quickly got in and drove to the villa.
It’s just a simple yet beautiful villa. Suho always go there when he wants to be alone but that day, Kris knew that he wants all his brothers to be by his side. Maybe for the last time.
Kris got out from the car and walked to Suho’s seat. He piggybacked him again and closed the door before he makes his way inside the villa. As like he already knows where Suho wants to go, he walked straight to Suho’s room on the second level. He stopped in the middle of the room and turned his head to Suho, waiting for his respond.
“Veranda….” He muttered softly. Kris nodded and walked to the veranda. He put him down on a couch which facing the beach. At the same time, the rest of EXO were already there. They quietly got into Suho’s room and gathered there.
Kris looked at them for awhile before he put his attention on Suho again.
Suho pulled Kris’s hand to him and put the ring he bought for Jaein on his palm.
“Take this ring and give it to whoever you like, Kris.” Kris pulled back his hand and stared at the ring before he sighed heavily.
“You know, Kris….When I think about it again, it’s a good thing if she leave me.” He muttered softly and let his fears fell. Kris frowned while the others just listened to him from far.
“But why?”
“Because….’When one of two hearts stop to beat, the other will break’…At least, when I go, her heart didn’t break. But I have a special case right now. When my heart stop to beat, 11 heart will break.” He said jokingly and chuckled weakly. He coughed a little while rubbing his chest. Kris just can smile sadly and shook his head.
“Kris, can you promise me something?”
“What is it?”
“Please take care of them all for me. I’m sorry for leaving you alone to handle them. Please take care of them especially Tao. Don’t let him cry and please always stay by his side when I go. His ‘mama’ will go soon. I really hope that he could accept it. Kai and Sehun…..they may look strong but they’re not actually. They still young. They still the weak one. Don’t let them break down, support them. Chen with Xiumin hyung and Baekhyun with Chanyeol…..Please watch over them and don’t let them always fight.
Kyungsoo….You must help him with his house chore sometimes. Luhan hyung…You must watch over him too. He may say he’s manly but deep inside….he’s not. He’s weak sometimes too. Lay, my bestfriend…he seems to be more talk-active now. Watch over him too. Don’t let his talk-active side gone. And lastly, take care over yourself too, Kris. I’m not there beside you anymore. I’m not there to take care of you like I always do. Please don’t fall sick anymore. If you did, please get well soon.”
They listened to him and started to sobs quietly. Deep inside their heart, they really didn’t want to let him go but nobody can deny the fate which already written up there. He still had to go soon. Kris rubbed his eyes a little before stretched his hand and held Suho’s hand.
“I promise, Suho. I will take care of them. I promise I will handle them. Please watch me from up there.” Suho smiled a little and nodded softly.
“I will. Thank you, Wu Yifan.” His free hand sneaked into his pocket and took out a small paper. He stared at it and let his last tears fell down. He slowly closed his eyes and let out his last breath. Kris felt Suho’s hand slowly leave his hand. He gasped softly and looked up at Suho.
“S-Suho….” He called for him but no respond from him. He sighed softly before he turned to his members and shook his head.
“I’m sorry.” With that, all of them started to cried softly.
In their whole life as a guy, they never cried like that. They never cried their heart out.
Kris slowly pulled Suho into his arms and hugged his cold body tightly.
“May you rest in peace, Kim Joonmyun.”
The paper in Suho’s hand slowly fell to the floor and revealed the contents.
It was a letter. A letter for that girl.
"Let these words be my last speech for you.
Inside these words are a message, hope, and memory.
Do you know how grateful I am when I saw you smile for the last time?
I’m happy that God heard my prayer, a prayer that you will always smile.
Friends,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel the meaning of love.
But like a beggar with the rich,
I know, it never and will never replied.
I'm sorry, friend.
I was the tyrant who forcing you to accept my love,
when you are entitled to receive justice in choosing your love.
I was the idiot who expect the discreet love.
I was the despicable who pursuit the sympathy and love from an angel.
I was the loathed who kneel, demanding the attention of the honorable.
This is my promise.
This time it will be finished.
No more hope and prayer.
It’s not like I giving up my hope
Because, how couldn’t I turn away from God and stop hoping and praying to Him?
Therefore I "delay" all of it although it delayed until the last of my breath.
Only maybe if you know later,
How great and big my love and hope are,
You then will know how much tortured I am,
Just from all of my feelings that I have towards you.
Maybe…
This is a hope that I still keep.
Hopefully one day you will understand my love.
I pray hopefully one day,
You will realize,
Even that time I just have the last breath.
People can say
"I'll love you for a thousand years"
I just hope that you can say
"I’ll love you today"
And it was enough for me though I just got your love for a day.
Don’t worry.
We will never meet again after this.
Farewell friend.
Take care of yourself.
God,
Watches my love die on this day, on the same day I die.
The idiot and loathed,
Kim Joonmyun"
-END-
